The Pitfalls of Online Dating

It seems like so many couples I now know have met over online dating. When I ask them which service, ninety percent say with match.com. It feels like with today’s busy lifestyles, more and more people are resorting to this service. However, my experiences with online dating were horrible. If I can save even one woman or man from the pitfalls, I will be happy.

I had been in a horrible marriage for thirty two years. I was verbally abused, controlled and manipulated. I was made to feel worthless. I finally found the courage to break free. While we were separated, I was told by my ex that he would give me one year to come to my senses, then after that he would start dating. During that time, there was never one moment where he tried to take me out for coffee or dinner to just talk. During that year, I began to breathe. I did not think for one minute that I wanted to start dating or even look at another man. I needed time to be able to breathe and try to heal.

However, after one year, my ex calls me to tell me that he had gone to a dating service. He said he had roughly twenty women lined up to meet him. He picked out three potentials, then managed to settle with one woman. After the conversation, I hung up the phone and decided that I did not need to talk to him ever again. Like what happened to seeing if there is an attraction? What about trying to find that person that will connect with you?

Then I realized that I just wasn’t good enough. No man has ever, or would ever, look at me. I mean, my ex never complimented me. Never said I looked good. Never said anything positive about me. So it must be me, right? I would be alone for the rest of my life. When all I ever wanted was a man who loved me for me.

I searched out online dating websites and the first one I went to was ChristianMingle.com. At that time, I could sign up for free. However, your access was limited so I signed up for a monthly account. I was pretty active and I tried to fill out my details as much as possible. I mean, I thought I was safe on a Christian based dating site. I set out details for men that I would be interested in.

Got some bites pretty quickly. The first one was a sergeant in the US Military who was divorced. He wanted to know my personal email. Big mistake. Don’t give that out to anyone ever. There is an email account with the dating website where you can send and receive emails and you can do online chats. I didn’t give my email address out for this guy because I was wondering about him being in the military. Apparently, he was in Saudi Arabia.

I googled his name and it did come up. The news article that I found was maybe six months old. The article definitely said he was married with one son. During our emails, he said his son had died and he was divorced. I asked him how long he was divorced. I told him I found a news article from six months ago which said he was married. He ranted, actually ranted, about how news reporters were getting their facts all messed up and they lied about everything.

I had a friend and her husband who were living with me at the time, He was in the army perhaps fifteen to twenty years ago. He told me that when a person is on tour, you cannot participate in online dating sites. Especially when you are on tour. I asked this sergeant about what he was doing in Saudi Arabia. He suddenly shut down and said he had to go out on watch, or some other thing.

I admit it that I did try to mess with the guy as I knew he was a con artist. Every time he contacted me, I would ask questions that I knew he wouldn’t be able to answer. I found a number of articles on this sergeant and I would ask him things about the article, which this dumb bum couldn’t answer. Finally, I had enough and told him I would be reporting him to the website and said better luck next time. He ranted something fierce but I cut him off. I reported him and they quickly closed his account down.

This dummie was easy to figure out. Unfortunately, this was not the last experience with a con man. I had quite a few that I will share with you in the next blog. As I said, if I can save one person from doing some of the stupid things I did, I will be grateful.

Love Interests Interview with Sarah Grifton

This is Shelby Norstrom from the online website, Love Interests, a forum on relationship issues. We ask hard questions but provide solid answers from people who have been there. Today we are happy to introduce Sarah Grifton, lead vocalist with the very popular Christian rock band, Forever Yours. We are so happy we finally managed to catch Sarah who is in between gigs.

Hello, Sarah and thank you for being here today with Love Interests. And I love your singing voice Sarah. It has to be one of the best voices I have heard in a very long time.

Hello Shelby and thank you for the compliment. It is a pleasure for me to be here.

Sarah, can you tell me as a Christian person, how is it that you are now divorced from you husband? How are you able to reconcile being Christian and being divorced?

(Sarah sighs.) Well, for one thing, my ex left me. I did not leave him. And our marriage had not been a good one.

How do you mean your marriage was not a good one? Did it have anything to do with Bill not being a Christian?

(Sarah shakes her head.) Bill is very career oriented. Having things meant a lot to Bill. He always stressed having a high paying job and having the vacations, the big house, the cars. He thought that should be every person’s goal. You couldn’t have those things if you didn’t have a high paying job in a good company. Bill wasn’t very happy that I spent so much time with the church and then with Forever Yours.

I guess Bill didn’t know the Bible.

No, unfortunately not. At least, he kept ridiculing me and the children for going to church. He said it was a waste of time.

How did you meet Bill? I thought you were high school sweethearts.

Well, we met in high school, that’s true. At that time, it was expected to get married right out of high school. When Bill and I started dating, he didn’t want me to go to university while he was studying. (Sarah shrugs her shoulders.) I just thought that I would go to university later. All of our friends were getting married and they kept asking us when we would follow suit. I guess, it was just expected.

Was Bill a good father?

(Sarah bites on her lower lip.) He was when the children were young. But as he climbed the corporate ladder and the children got into their teens, things changed. His expectations for them grew. He kept telling them that without a business or science degree, they would not get a corporate job. He kept buying things or taking us on vacations and then saying that without a good job they could not have these things.

What did Bill think of your oldest daughter becoming an archaeologist?

(Sarah closes her eyes.) He was really angry. But then he did not see her graduate from university with her archaeology degree.

Where is Bill now?

(Sarah inhales and lets her breath out slowly.) We aren’t sure. (She hesitates.) I have tried to locate him but he is somewhere in Europe. We just aren’t certain where he is. I’m sorry, Shelby, but I just can’t go into any more of this. (Sarah gets out of her chair and leaves the stage.)