I Have Cancer – Now What?

I go every year for my annual physical. When I turned 50, I scheduled first a mammogram, then a colonoscopy. Mammograms are a piece of cake compared to the vile, gooey stuff you have to drink in preparation for the colonoscopy. But these things need to be done in order to be certain of your health. Especially when all your relatives live overseas, your mother has dementia and no one knows anything about health histories.

For the last four years, every year irregularities have been found in my right breast so I have had to go back for a better look. They check things out, pat me on the head and say everything is fine.

Until this year. Except this time it was the left breast. I should have known. How is it that a person knows before the technician or doctor says anything? I should have known when the technician took more xrays and then took me right away for an ultrasound. And when the technician said that the radiologist would be coming in to take a look at the ultrasound and would give me my options, I wasn’t surprised.

The needle biopsy wasn’t bad at all. I was told I couldn’t take aspirin but I could take Valium. I told the technicians I wouldn’t be taking Valium because I would probably fall asleep and not get to the office for the procedure. The doctor who did the biopsy was very pleasant and the two women technicians were wonderful. It was done on a Friday and I was told that I would get a phone call with the results by Wednesday.

When my doctor called and left a message on Tuesday, I already knew it was cancer. My doctor told me it was treatable. Since I had asked during the biopsy, I had been told that my lymph nodes had been checked and they were fine. I feel very confident that this will be treated successfully. Now I am just waiting for an appointment with the oncologist.

I am very much in disbelief about this. I feel very healthy. I have been losing weight and watching my diet very carefully. This seems so silly. How can I have cancer when I feel good? I feel tired but getting up at 5:30 or 6am every morning and having the busy schedule I have would do that to a person.

I started looking up breast cancer on the internet and that was a really stupid thing to do. I stopped quickly. No sense in adding all the fear factors into this. And when my son suggested pot or cbd extract, I just rolled my eyes. My son has graduated from law school. I asked him if he wanted me thrown in jail so that I could be his first client? Ever the helpful mom, right? Sorry, I don’t think I want to be that helpful.

My doctor told me that I should hear something from the oncologist within a couple of days. It has been two days and I called to check in. I did not appreciate the whining in the voice of the receptionist when she told me they had three business days to get back to me. I felt like asking her how she would enjoy waiting three business days if she had been diagnosed with cancer. But that isn’t me because I am still in disbelief. I mean, really? How could I have cancer?

I have my faith in God. I have a plaque that states ” Lord help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that you and I together can’t handle.” I could use your prayers.

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