I Cry Out to God

I have sinned. I am a sinner. We are all sinners. Not a one of us is perfect. We have made mistakes. We have done things we regret. We wish the things we had done, we could have done differently.

But I was young and had scars. Scars that went deeper than I thought. No one to turn to. No one I could ask. Except God. And I have cried out to Him. But why does it hurt so much and why does it feel like God has turned His back on me? What have I done? Am I that bad?

Life has hit me so hard. At every turn, I have struggled. It feels like by myself. And I wonder what is happening? And why? I am not that strong. What lessons do I need to learn?

I am so busy thinking of others first. Helping others first. Realizing that I cannot live their lives. All I can do is love them. But I am not that strong and right now the burden is so heavy and I just don’t know what to do. I can’t take anymore Lord. I am breaking. Without Jesus with me, I just can’t do it. And I don’t know if He is there. I just can’t feel Him.

I am breaking. Slow tremors of pain running through me. Tears running down my cheeks. All I want is for all those I love to be safe. Happy. Healthy. And I feel powerless. Everything is spinning out of control.

Is prayer enough? I don’t feel that God is hearing my prayers. I feel He has turned his back on me because I am a disappointment. I have sinned. All I wanted is to be treated fairly and I did not start the fight. I just have to defend myself. But no one understands the pain and agony I went through to finally claw myself out for some shred of peace only to have to fight other battles. It is never ending. It continues.

And I just can’t do it any more. I am broken. I am in shattered pieces. But I know I will somehow pull myself forward. Try to pray to God who is not listening. Who does not hear me. Why do you hate me God?

Author: sylviagoblet1

I am a Canadian living in the Carolinas. I truly feel at home in the Carolinas. I don't know what it is about the south but sitting amongst friends and their southern drawl gives a sense of peace. A sense of calm that I haven't had before. Writing has been a way of life since I was a teenager. But it has been a struggle until now. God has touched me in a way that has had a profound effect on me. My determination and desire to write is now deep within. A writer is someone who is always willing to listen, absorb and learn. The learning curve is never ending. One is never too old or too experienced to learn. Everyone has had life touch them in many different ways. Every person has a story within them. One may choose to turn away from their faith from life experiences or one may choose to lean towards God. Those are the stories I wish to share.

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