Cleared to go – My Cancer Journey

The final appointment before chemo treatments would start was with my surgeon. Bill said everything had healed well and it appeared as if the incision was finally sealed.

We saw her on Friday and she examined my incision. She looked at Bill and asked him what he thought. He told her that he thought it was healed but that he would defer to her opinion. She smiled and said she concurred with him. She also told him that he had done a great job of taking care of my incision.

We then made an appointment for 6 months time to see when I should have my mammogram. She said she wasn’t certain about the left breast but the right breast would definitely need the mammogram. We would then decide on the next steps for mammograms.

A sigh of relief that the incision was healed but a sigh of trepidation and anxiety. Chemo treatments. Hair falling out. Fingernails breaking and becoming brittle. Mouth sores. Achy bones. Nausea. Diarrhea. Constipation. Sleepiness. My body feeling like it was being punched around. The thought of having all these chemicals in my body was stressing me out.

But the greatest joy I was trying to focus on were my husband, my children, my family, friends and my pets. My son and his wife came for a visit one weekend. My youngest daughter and her boyfriend came at the same time. This was the best thing for me. To have them around me, laughing, talking and enjoying each other. Waiting for the birth of my first grandchild is giving me so much joy. I just pray for a safe delivery and that my daughter and her child are healthy. These are the things I need to focus on to help me through this.

I think I am finally getting it that I have cancer. I wouldn’t be having all these appointments and treatments if I didn’t have cancer. But it still just feels all so surreal. Reports are that 1 in 8 women will develop breast cancer. That is such a high number. So many women. So much fear, pain, suffering and loss. I suppose there is a reason for all of this. I don’t know what it is. I just know I can’t do this without knowing God is in my life.  One day at a time with my husband, my children, my family, my friends, my pets and with God.

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